Dora Buttone Tremblay (my mom)
I realize it has been a while since I have written. My last post was about my dad…I miss him very much.
I am now turning my attention to my mom. My mom died from breast cancer when I was at the beginning of my sophomore year of college.
She was 50 years old. Talk about suck!
Although as I look back it was very clear that my mom was sick and probably not going to come out of her disease, at 19 years old, you are simply not prepared to lose a parent…too bad for you. I have so many conflicting thoughts about my mom and her death. Was it really necessary? Was "everything" done? It is now almost 40 years ago…with so many public efforts to raise dollars to "cure" cancer, I feel a bit wary of the industry of cancer.
But looking at my mom, leaving her disease out of the picture, there are so many memories. My mom was one of those people who had strong feelings about things. She was not bland or middle of the road. People either really liked her (or not, I am sure). Fortunately I think more liked her than not.
Her parents were from Italy…like many who came to the US with the hopes of a better life. My mom served in the US Navy during the second world war as a Nurse and it is where she met my dad.
My parents had a real love affair marriage. They were devoted to each other, which, I now know, is why I felt so safe as a child. They rarely fought that I can remember. Our house was a safe haven for me. Very secure.
Although I believe we shared some of the same ideas around of parenting, we parented very differently. She was not interested in being my friend. She never went to the movies with me. She was my mom. Period. A grown-up. There were very clear boundaries. She was not afraid to be disliked by me. She did what was necessary. The thing about my mom was she was waiting for me to grow up. She was never going to talk to me as if she was a peer. As I got older, more mature, our relationship got closer. I am not sure she was 100% comfortable with me as a little girl. She did not play with me…ever.
What we did together that was so much fun was cook. We made ravioli, made lasagna, made cookies and we went shopping. She was an expert in all of these areas of life and was always happy to include me.
As I am sure you can tell, my memories , though many, have gotten vague…sad, but I guess thats how things go. As time has passed, and particularly near Mother's Day, when I walk through stores looking at the many displays of the Mother's Day offerings I yearn to reach out to my Mom.
This year I am doing something about that!
I have launched a Kickstarter project called "The Dora Project" as a way to remember my mom and help others celebrate their moms. I hope you will have a look, participate and share it!
Moms, all of them, deserved to be cherished, celebrated, honored. Their memories not forgotten and opportunities to make memories not missed.
Happy Mother's Day mom! I love you.
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